Dreams of a New Laptop

I want a new laptop. I want my new laptop to be shiny and new with keys that feel like magic when you type on them and a screen with resolution second to none. I want to be able to watch my favourite dvds on my laptop and see the sweat on Bruce Willis's face with crystal clear clarity as he dives from yet another bomb. I want infinite memory and amazing speed. I want to be able to bring down governments with it if I so choose. And play a good game of solitaire too.

There is a laptop that I think could do all those things, except possibly overthrow the government, I think I'll have to buy some software for that. The ASUS® VX2 Lamborghini Series VX274UL Intel® Core™ Duo T7400, 2.16GHz (VX274ULYL). Now I have absolutely no idea what any of that means. I'm not a techie. I know how to switch my computer on, install some programmes, use them and that's about it. Jargon is beyond me. But it says Lamborghini Series, that's got to be good and it costs $3896, that's got to be good too. If price is anything to go by its got to be extremely good, I reckon. A friend of mine has a laptop that cost $7792, or so he told me. That would be supremely cool. That probably comes with government usurpation software already installed. As tempting as that kind of power is, I think that I'll stick with the Lamborghini Series. Got to start slowly, work my way up.

Besides the Lamborghini Series says cool things like “8 X Super Multi Light Scribe” and “Colour Shine WXGA+ Wide Screen”. And it has a built in Webcam. I don't know what I would do with a Webcam. I'm very camera shy and extremely private, the idea of showing the general public my home makes me want to cringe, but I'm sure that once I've got it, and once I've figured out how to use it, I'll never know how I lived without it. I like the sound of wide screen though, and colour shine. Should be promising on the resolution front, or is my ignorance of computer jargon starting to show? I'm also hoping that at some stage someone will explain to me exactly, or even in rough general terms, what GeForce™ is. I'm not even going to hazard a guess. People will laugh.

I shall go into coffee shops with my smart new laptop, wifi friendly coffee shops of course, open it up and smile condescendingly at all the envious looks that come my way. I'll casually stretch my arms, click my fingers, and hold them above my magic keyboard while everyone holds their breath with anticipation. And then I'll order a latte and play a vigorous game of minesweeper. I'm quite good. My time for the expert is not too bad.

Unfortunately my new laptop in only a dream. Well the much desired Lamborghini Series is at any rate. Something much more realistic for my meagre budget is a basic little HP Intel Celeron, or an Acer TravelMate, or an LG Intel in the $714 – $779 price range. And you want to know something? I would love it to utter pieces. They say things like “Graphics Media Accelerator” and “WXGA Screen” and they're accompanied by lots of numbers that mean absolutely nothing to me. I'm totally boggled by the jargon and I love it.

So what if the screen resolution is not as perfectly brilliant as a 4k laptop. I bet Bruce Willis's sweat will still look just as fab to me. The resolution is so good on all computers these days that I probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference anyway. As for memory and speed, I have simple needs so I don't really need a gazillion gigabytes of memory. If I need more I'll get more. I understand that this is possible. And so what if I can't take over the world (I can always upgrade). I bet the keyboard will still be magic and that I can still play a killer game of solitaire.